Becoming more secure changed my life.
After I quit my job, I was conflict-avoidant to the point of burnout. I did ~nothing for five months and moved in with my family in the middle of nowhere.
Social conflicts used to rip me up. I would be anxious for days, sometimes months.
I avoided my feelings so hard I didn’t know they manifested in the body.
Becoming more secure
After my insecurity was unlearned, my burnout and conflict-avoidance fell away.
With a secure baseline, I moved cities, pivoted careers, and began building a much more aligned life for myself. Since then I’ve:
Directed my own human alignment research funded by patrons.
Produced small AI safety workshops.
Ran unhinged, sometimes intentionally awkward social events.
Previously, I’d have been too afraid to do these things mostly for fear of getting into conflict with others. And while I still get into many similar situations, they no longer register as “conflicts” to avoid or anxious about.
(NB: I was also fortunate to have some financial security during this time in the form of a consistent ~6 months of runway.)
Boundaries are effortless now. I couldn’t tell you the last time I did something because of guilt or manipulation by others.
If anything, I’m conflict-seeking now. Conflicts are often fun and informative!
Even my cuticles became securely attached! (I used to pick at them when I felt anxious.)
I’m much more present and flinch away from many fewer aspects of my experience — resulting in more empathy and less chronic pain.
I cause fewer bad self-fulfilling prophecies.
I’m more intuitive and know more about my body.
I like friends more.
Sex is more fun.
Less Tanha.
It’s easier to feel part of a greater whole.
Dating is easy.