Setting boundaries used to feel hard. Like holding up a heavy shield to defend myself — a huge effort! But then that changed, and now “setting boundaries” feels effortless: as if our emotions exist in parallel dimensions. I can see theirs, but they can't harm mine.
Setting boundaries used to feel super aversive. Telling people “No”? Asserting my desires? Eek! Even just thinking about asserting myself raised my heart rate and turned my stomach.
I thought I was bad at boundaries because I lacked skill, but really I feared the consequences. When I set boundaries, people often feel bad, get mad, dislike me, get violent, blame me… and I could feel like a bad person, fear retribution, and fear gossip. “Practicing” setting boundaries wasn’t addressing my bottleneck.
After unlearning these insecurities, boundaries became effortless. I can do boundaries, say No, and let others get triggered easily now. Conflict even became fun. Other people report similar effects.
Now it feels less like I’m “setting” boundaries and more like… I am boundaries. I am autonomous: I do things I want, because I want to, only when I want to. It’s even allowed me to become more empathetic and sensitive—I can get closer to others without fear of manipulation. Boundaries became effortless and my life improved.
For more about boundaries, see Claims #4 and #5 in this post.