Being present is not a skill

Some meditation advice has a vibe like... “To become more present, all you need to do is practice! It's just a skill, like learning to ride a bike 😊”

That’s how I wasted five months of my life. When I tried to force presence through practice, I made little progress.

What if being present isn't a skill to build — what if it's the natural state?

Presence can be blocked by tension and predictions of unwanted outcomes. To make presence automatic, release the blocks.

• I struggled to be present with emotions in my body. Daily meditation didn't help. Finally I asked my body: “What bad thing happens if I feel my feelings?” Oh: pain would be overwhelming, feelings would make me less productive, expressing emotions would anger others. After integrating these incentives through coaching and somatic practices, presence with body sensations became much easier.

• With others’ emotions, I expected that if I truly experienced their pain then I'd be obligated to fix it. After unlearning this block, my empathy improved.

• When working on my chronic neck tension, instead of trying to vaguely “be more present” with the pain, I looked for emotional incentives that discouraged fully feeling the pain. I found that feeling the sensation would mean acknowledging I could leave unsafe social situations, which itself felt dangerous. After untangling this and other blocks, most of the tension resolved. I continue to find and untangle more blocks.

Now, you might wonder: If presence isn't a skill, then why do some people benefit from meditation practice? Well, even if presence isn’t a “skill”, practicing meditation can provide space for identifying and releasing blocks (when done well). This would explain why some people can meditate for years without much progress, and why others can make quick progress once they notice and integrate their unique blocks.

One last thing: Once you have a moment of full presence, you may be tempted to think “Oh, I get it now! Being present is so simple! Just be present!” But that will overlook all the little blocks you untangled along the way. (This is especially tricky because once blocks are untangled, they are forgotten.)

Natural presence is already present, waiting to be unblocked.

Related:

• Some give the advice “learn to set boundaries” when really you should unlearn your insecurities.

• Much of the advice in The Courage to be Disliked makes a similar error.