discovering feelings in the body

coach: Where do you feel that in your body?
me: I literally have no clue what you’re talking about.

This is from a conversation I had with a coach last May:

me: I just quit my job. I have no idea what I want to do next. I'd like your advice on figuring this out.
coach: Hm, what would it feel like if you did know what you wanted to do next? I.e.: What would it feel like in your body?
me: Well, I'd be pulled to do the thing.
coach: No, how would you feel in your body?
me: What?
coach: Hm… Stepping asides from your work for a moment, would you like a happy romantic relationship?
me: Yes, to some degree.
coach: Does that feel wanted or unwanted?
me: It feels wanted.
coach: Where do you feel that in your body?
me: I literally have no clue what you’re talking about.
coach: Do you remember a time when you felt this?
me: Yes.
coach: Ok, where was it?
me: uhh………
[continues]

(Why are feelings important? They represent unconscious information!)

That was the first time I consciously recognized I was dissociated from my feelings. I thought, “Maybe I’m just different and I don’t have feelings in my body. Maybe that’s just a weird thing that happens to other people and not me.”

Nope. I too feel my feelings now. It seems I was suppressing it.

But back then I really couldn’t recall ever feeling anything like “expansiveness in my chest” or “excitement in my fingers”. Sure, I would get butterflies in my stomach and feel emotions “in my head”, but that was it.

And while I don’t have this symptom anymore, I’ve spoken to some others about it and it seems quite common to not experience this.

I think what happened for me is I had some unconscious beliefs that feelings are dangerous and that I would be harmed if I was aware of my feelings. Logically, that would incentivize me to be numb.

I explain how I integrated this here:

Integrate self-rejection, gain self-acceptance

These days, wow, there is so much intricacy to the emotional ripples and textures in just my stomach alone. I’ve had strange happinesses in my fingers. And self-loathing there, too. Anxiety in my upper chest. Love at a spot a little inner and a little lower than that…

So much I wasn’t tracking before.

I predict I still have a ways to go, though, and I'd like to eventually be able to know how I’m feeling everywhere simultaneously, but I’m not there yet. Inching towards.

related

average body-emotion mappings survey

There was a study surveyed many people about emotions and where they feel them on their body and averaged the results:

This is just an average, though, and all I learn from it is “most people experience emotions in their body”. I don’t take it much more seriously than that.

other kinds of “feelings”

My friend Damon notes that “feelings” can also refer to…

• excitement and energy levels (vibey stuff)

• where your attention and awareness are, generally

• noticing flashes of imagery in the mind

• noticing "non-real" visual phenomena that seem to mean something

what unwillingness to feel felt like

Depression was useful?

I created muscle tension to avoid my feelings

Thanks to Damon and Şefika for reviewing.