I used to think “self-acceptance” was a skill to learn. Then I realized: self-acceptance is already there—but self-rejection is learned on top. Self-acceptance is actually a process of unlearning. Unlearning all self-rejection.
For example, I used to be fairly emotionally numb, and, in theory, I wanted to “feel all of my feelings”. The common advice for this is things like “Pay more attention to your feelings.” But… if I hadn't been feeling my feelings for YEARS, what if it was strategic? This would explain why the common advice didn’t work for me. Chesterton’s Fence, efficient market hypothesis, etc.
To feel my feelings more, I had to listen to the incentives for numbing my feelings, and integrate them. I wasn’t bottlenecked on “learning” to feeling my feelings — I was bottlenecked on numbing. I needed to unlearn the rejection. I worked with someone who helped me work through these patterns.
Your incentives will be different than mine, but my objections felt like:
"Being aware of my feelings will make us less productive"
"Expressing negative emotions will make others angry!"
"Negative feelings will be harmful!"
Once the objections were addressed, and felt addressed, they dissolved. I feel more now.
Self-acceptance isn’t learned. Self-rejection is unlearned. Self-love was underneath all along.