Feel Secure — Pay Only For Results
A man I met at a prediction market conference went from lifelong social anxiety (unresolved by 8 years of therapy) to “excited about entering social situations” and being called “adventurous” by friends. (Video below.)
A woman in tech went from “I have a history of complex trauma and have spent most of my life terrified and depressed” to “I don't feel that my life or my relationship is in crisis anymore. Things feel light and hopeful.”
A founder in SF went from unable to express romantic interest (unresolved by 3 years of IFS) to comfortably asking out crushes.
Pay Only For Results
You set a bounty
We work together intensively; You apply what you learn in everyday life
Pay your bounty when you feel satisfied
Best for learning how to feel secure in all situations relating to other people. I do other bounties (eg: procrastination) more experimentally.
“If there was a magic button to achieve your goal, how much would you happily pay to press it?” Then reduce a bit because it’s gonna take effort. (If unsure, email me or schedule a call.)
Recently bounties have been $15k-$25k.
If this does not fit your financial situation, I encourage you to subscribe to this blog. You may also apply anyway so I can reach out if I find cheaper ways to help.
A refundable deposit may be required.
Bounty may be covered by your employer’s education benefits.
Questions? Schedule a short call or email chris@chrislakin.com.
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Referral bonus: 5% when you refer someone I help.
About me
I used to be depressed, anxious, emotionally numb, boundary-challenged, suffering from chronic pain, and avoidant. I outgrew these symptoms, but I became frustrated with overcomplicated growth methods and sought simplicity instead. I write about what I’ve learned on my blog. This service tests the research: Voluntarily retroactive payment is great data!
I draw from Predictive Processing (“the brain is a multi-layer prediction machine” — Scott Alexander) and experience:
This is actually alignment research. I spend most of my time doing research:
More about me: chrislakin.com/now
The Process: Find and Integrate Blocks
You’ll feel more of you want as you integrate more of the blocks in your system.
For efficiency, sessions last as long as needed (often 2–4 hours)
We focus on the present, not the past
Between sessions, you’ll “try on” desired states to find remaining blocks
Reviews
Lifelong Anxiety → Excitement
A man I met at a prediction market conference had lifelong social anxiety. One month later:
I’m choosing to work on problems beyond my capabilities, and get excited about situations where my weaknesses are repeatedly on display.
I actually feel excited about entering social situations where chances of things going worse than I would want them to were high.
6 month review:
One of new friends said, “You're so adventurous.” That shocked me because not a word I would've ever used describe myself… If you were to ask my high school friends that’s not a word they would use.
Triggers → Calm
I used to get triggered by very small things that some of the people surrounding me would say or do… These things would incapacitate me for 48 hours, I would have to shut myself in my room. Now I just laugh.
Two years ago, I would have never dreamt of [disagreeing] with that housemate… Whereas now it's just something that I do effortlessly.
Self-Loathing
A woman in tech:
I have a history of complex trauma and have spent most of my life terrified and depressed. I'd also read countless self-help books and have seen a few therapists. I met Chris when my life and relationship were both in crisis, and decided to give it a try.
I started my sessions with Chris during the same week I'd started an antidepressant. In the past I'd tried a few antidepressants, but medication alone didn't seem to help with my problems. Chris was incredibly patient with me untangling all of my worries, and was available when I was panicking and really needed to talk to someone. The unlimited variable-length sessions and texting was an incredibly effective form.
Chris helped me realize that I have all these "landmines" in my mind -- life scenarios that I could never allow to happen because if they did then I'd be stuck in a lifetime of misery and life would no longer be worth living. And my mind was constantly vigilant about any sign that my life could be headed into a bad direction, and then I'd react as if the disaster was already happening. Chris suggested that it was possible for me to feel okay with my life even if one of these "landmine" scenario happened.
After a few sessions, a lot of conversations with my partner, time for the antidepressant to set in, and reading, my relationship with these "landmines" went from "things I'm so scared to think about so I flinch" to "it would really suck if that happened, but if I'm really in that scenario I'd probably lean on whatever help I could get to figure out what to do, but I don't need to enter disaster preparation mode now." I also got better at catching myself entering an anxiety loop and giving myself a moment to pause and calm down. I'm generally more compassionate with myself, I am okay with myself feeling fear, hurt, angry, etc. without taking that as an indication that something is seriously wrong in my life and I need to do something about it. I've also become better at talking about relationship problems with my partner without getting angry at my projected disaster scenario.
I used to resent the way my life turned out, and was also afraid of stopping the resentment because I worried that it would make me complacent. Chris has helped me lose some of the resentment, and I didn't become complacent at all -- in fact, I'm doing more self-improvement and productive things now.
I definitely don't live in bliss every day, but I don't feel that my life or my relationship is in crisis anymore. Things feel light and hopeful.
Romantic Insecurity
An SF founder in his 30s:
After working with Chris, I learned One Weird Trick to go after what I really want and feel okay no matter what happens.
This is a new skill I didn’t learn in 3 years of IFS therapy.
I already feel more confident being myself and expressing romantic interest — and I already have twice, that's new.
Assertiveness
A woman in tech in SF:
I went to Chris with a torrent of responsibilities and a key decision looming ahead of me this month. I felt overwhelmed, upset, and I didn’t want just talk
Having engaged in 9+ years of coaching and therapy with varying levels of success, I’m probably one of the toughest clients — equal parts hopeful and skeptical. Chris created an incredibly open space where I could easily tell him if I didn’t know something, or couldn’t feel something, or if I’m overthinking. He also has an uncanny sense of intuition on these things and a strong attunement to being actually effective
The results are already telling: a disappointment that might’ve made me emotionally bleed and mope for a month was something I addressed in the matter of a couple of days with only a scoop of emotional self-doubt instead of *swimming* in self-torture. The lag time of actually doing things to be there for myself was significantly quicker, warmer, and more effective
To-dos that felt very heavy lightened up considerably and began to feel fun again and as ways of connecting!
I’ve now started to predict happier things ahead with more vivid, emotionally engaged, and realistic detail. I’ll continue being intensely focused this year for the outcomes I want, but I’m actually looking forward to it! Will reflect back on Month 2!
Confidence
Not psychotherapy or medical treatment. Chris Lakin is not a licensed psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, or medical professional. If you have mental health concerns, consult a qualified healthcare professional.
Confidentiality: Information shared in conversations helps understand patterns and improve practice. Identifying details kept confidential. Contact me with questions.