Resolve your biggest personal bottleneck
Resolve your biggest personal bottleneck
I help others feel how they want, when they want. Are there situations you would you like to feel differently in?
This was significantly more productive than my last 6 months of CBT and talk therapy. —Camille (one three-hour conversation)
This service operates on a bounty system: Only pay if your life changes for the better. You decide if your life improved, and you give the bounty whenever you’re ready.
This services focuses on people who have “tried everything else” and been stuck for years. People who really really want to grow, but don’t know how.
A man I met at a prediction market conference had lifelong anxiety, even after “8 years of talk therapy” and “1 year of actively seeking exposure to scary situations”. He wanted to feel excited instead of anxious. He achieved this with my help. He now has much less social anxiety and much more agency. [Complete]
A woman working in tech in SF struggled with lifelong self-doubt, even after “9+ years of coaching and therapy”. Instead, she wanted to feel secure. After three conversations with me: “a disappointment that might’ve made me emotionally bleed and mope for a month was something I addressed in the matter of a couple of days with only a scoop of emotional self-doubt instead of *swimming* in self-torture. […]” [Ongoing]
An anonyomous woman: ”I have a history of complex trauma and have spent most of my life terrified and depressed.” She wanted to feel optimistic about life about herself. After three conversations: “I’m doing more self-improvement and productive things now. I definitely don't live in bliss every day, but I don't feel that my life or my relationship is in crisis anymore. Things feel light and hopeful.” [Ongoing]
A founder in SF wanted to feel comfortable expressing attraction, even after “3 years of IFS therapy”, etc. After one conversation with me, he asked two people out comfortably. [Ongoing]
A competitive bounty is currently at least $11,000 (including all sub-goals) due to my time constraints. That said, if you do good work (eg AI policy) but don’t have means, please reach out anyway.
Submit interest:
If you’d like to chat briefly first, send me a message: chris@chrislakin.com. Feel free to email me any questions.
—Chris Lakin, @ChrisChipMonk, chrislakin.com/now
Not psychotherapy or medical treatment. I am not a licensed psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, or medical professional. If you have mental health concerns, you should consult a qualified healthcare professional.
Confidentiality: Information you share in conversations with me will be anonymized and used for improving my process.
Outcome-focused
Unlimited support.
Pay only if you’re satisfied, whenever you’re ready.
Conversations last as long as they need.
Incentive-aligned
Bounties encourage me to
Help you achieve lasting satisfaction.
Use less of your time.
Not waste your time if I can’t help.
Pay when you’re satisfied.
Note: I do not accept time-based payment.
Why?
My motivation for this is (AI) alignment.
Many social conflicts— including those around AI— could dissolve if the underlying ego conflicts dissolved. Decision-makers who become more secure also become better at coordination!
⅓ of those I help work in AI, and this will increase.
What’s it like?
I guide introspection. Is there a situation you would like to feel differently in? … How would you like to feel in that situation? …
I also don’t do unproductive things like asking about the past, giving life-advice, telling you how to think.
Finally, you learn how to do all of this on your own so you don’t need me anymore.
Inspiration
I take inspiration from Predictive Processing: “the brain is a multi-layer prediction machine” (Scott Alexander). Summary:
I was once depressed, anxious, less agentic, validation-seeking, insecure, failing at boundaries, dissociated, emotionally numb, self-rejecting, suffering from chronic pain, and feeling less like part of a greater whole. I’ve outgrown these in the last two years, and in in the process I learned how to make growth more efficient.
Are there risks?
If there were no risks to your growth, you would’ve already grown. For this reason, I help you identify everything bad you’re unconsciously predicting will happen if you do grow. Then you address each.
All I do is guide introspection. Everything else is you.
Bounties ★ claimed
★ Anxiety → Agency, Excitement
Bounties ☆ hunting
☆ Self-doubt → Confident decision-making
A woman working in SF after 3 conversations / 3 weeks:
I went to Chris with a torrent of responsibilities and a key decision looming ahead of me this month. I felt overwhelmed, upset, and I didn’t want just talk
Having engaged in 9+ years of coaching and therapy with varying levels of success, I’m probably one of the toughest clients — equal parts hopeful and skeptical. Chris created an incredibly open space where I could easily tell him if I didn’t know something, or couldn’t feel something, or if I’m overthinking. He also has an uncanny sense of intuition on these things and a strong attunement to being actually effective
The results are already telling: a disappointment that might’ve made me emotionally bleed and mope for a month was something I addressed in the matter of a couple of days with only a scoop of emotional self-doubt instead of *swimming* in self-torture. The lag time of actually doing things to be there for myself was significantly quicker, warmer, and more effective
To-dos that felt very heavy lightened up considerably and began to feel fun again and as ways of connecting!
I’ve now started to predict happier things ahead with more vivid, emotionally engaged, and realistic detail. I’ll continue being intensely focused this year for the outcomes I want, but I’m actually looking forward to it! Will reflect back on Month 2!
☆ Fear → Comfort expressing attraction
An SF founder in his 30s after 1 conversation / 2 weeks:
After working with Chris, I learned One Weird Trick to go after what I really want and feel okay no matter what happens.
This is a new skill I didn’t learn in 3 years of IFS therapy.
I already feel more confident being myself and expressing romantic interest (and I already have twice, that's new).
☆ Crisis → Light and hopeful
An anonymous woman after 3 conversations / 7 weeks:
I have a history of complex trauma and have spent most of my life terrified and depressed. I'd also read countless self-help books and have seen a few therapists. I met Chris when my life and relationship were both in crisis, and decided to give it a try.
I started my sessions with Chris during the same week I'd started an antidepressant. In the past I'd tried a few antidepressants, but medication alone didn't seem to help with my problems. Chris was incredibly patient with me untangling all of my worries, and was available when I was panicking and really needed to talk to someone. The unlimited variable-length sessions and texting was an incredibly effective form.
Chris helped me realize that I have all these "landmines" in my mind -- life scenarios that I could never allow to happen because if they did then I'd be stuck in a lifetime of misery and life would no longer be worth living. And my mind was constantly vigilant about any sign that my life could be headed into a bad direction, and then I'd react as if the disaster was already happening. Chris suggested that it was possible for me to feel okay with my life even if one of these "landmine" scenario happened.
After a few sessions, a lot of conversations with my partner, time for the antidepressant to set in, and reading, my relationship with these "landmines" went from "things I'm so scared to think about so I flinch" to "it would really suck if that happened, but if I'm really in that scenario I'd probably lean on whatever help I could get to figure out what to do, but I don't need to enter disaster preparation mode now." I also got better at catching myself entering an anxiety loop and giving myself a moment to pause and calm down. I'm generally more compassionate with myself, I am okay with myself feeling fear, hurt, angry, etc. without taking that as an indication that something is seriously wrong in my life and I need to do something about it. I've also become better at talking about relationship problems with my partner without getting angry at my projected disaster scenario.
I used to resent the way my life turned out, and was also afraid of stopping the resentment because I worried that it would make me complacent. Chris has helped me lose some of the resentment, and I didn't become complacent at all -- in fact, I'm doing more self-improvement and productive things now.
I definitely don't live in bliss every day, but I don't feel that my life or my relationship is in crisis anymore. Things feel light and hopeful.