Outgrow Lifelong Insecurities! Pay for Results

Sep 11, 2024

A man I met at a prediction market conference with lifelong social anxiety (unresolved by 8 years of therapy) became “excited about entering social situations where chances of things going worse than I would want them to were high” within weeks. Read more.
A woman in tech who “spent most of my life terrified and depressed” reported: “I don't feel that my life or my relationship is in crisis anymore. Things feel light and hopeful.” Read more.
A founder in SF went from unable to express romantic interest (even after 3 years of IFS therapy) to easily asking out two people within 2 weeks. Read more.

~65% of my clients work in frontier AI — as staff at organizations like Anthropic, independent researchers, or in AI policy.

Pay for Results

If there was a magic button that could resolve your biggest blocks, how much would you happily pay to press it?

This structure ensures:

You achieve your goals as efficiently as possible
You get support for as long as needed
We're both committed to your growth

No results = no charge.

Structure: (Updated November 14, 2024)

You define your goals and bounty
We work intensively for ~1 month (typically 2-3 sessions, 5-9 total hours) with texting support. A refundable deposit may be required
You pay your bounty when satisfied with your growth
For continued support after the intensive period, we negotiate an hourly rate while maintaining the bounty structure

Pricing:

Minimum bounty: $5k (reduced because the updated structure is less risky)
If you do impactful work (especially AI policy) or are well-connected, apply even if finances are tight
May be covered by employer education benefits

Apply Now

Questions? Schedule a short call, email chris@chrislakin.com, DM @ChrisChipMonk.

Referral bonus: 5% when you refer someone I help.

The Process: Find and Integrate Blocks

You’ll feel and act as you want once you find and integrate every locally optimal strategy in your system.

Sessions last as long as needed (up to 4 hours) for maximum efficiency
We focus on the present, not the past
Between sessions, you'll "try on" desired states to find remaining blocks

Background

Two years ago, I was depressed, anxious, validation-seeking, insecure, boundary-challenged, dissociated and emotionally numb, less agentic, self-loathing, suffering from chronic pain, avoidant, troubled by eye contact, troubled by empathy, and suspicious of others. I’m now much more secure.

Frustrated with overcomplicated growth methods, I developed simpler approaches. I write about this on my blog. (Some of this research even became relevant for conceptual AI safety.)

My work draws from Predictive Processing (as Scott Alexander explains: "the brain is a multi-layer prediction machine") and The Courage to be Disliked.

Reviews

Anxiety

A man I met at a prediction market conference had lifelong social anxiety, even after 8 years of talk therapy and “1 year of actively seeking exposure to scary situations”. He wanted to feel excited instead of anxious in work and relationships.

- 8 years of talk therapy. - 1 year of actively seeking exposure to scary situations. This helped, but working with you once accelerated this immensely, like 4 years of exposure in 4 hours. — To be clear, not all of my clients experience growth this quickly.

One month later:

I’m choosing to work on problems beyond my capabilities, and get excited about situations where my weaknesses are repeatedly on display.

I actually feel excited about entering social situations where chances of things going worse than I would want them to were high.

I’m choosing to work on problems beyond my capabilities, and get excited about situations where my weaknesses are repeatedly on display. Eg: I admitted to my boss early on in a new project that I was way out of my depth, but wanted to learn. We proceeded to have multiple 3+ hour whiteboard sessions where he worked me up from some very basic math to the state of the art on the problem via socratic questioning. I failed miserably at many even elementary questions, and still left every session feeling excited to continue learning.   Previously, I would have just asked to work on a part of the project I was certain I could handle with what I already knew. I actually feel excited about entering social situations where chances of things going worse than I would want them to were high.  Eg: I had a discussion with another co-worker where he made me feel quite stupid and I left kind of dreading our next interaction. After noticing this I used the technique I had learned of holding both my embarrassment/dread and the emotion I wanted to feel instead, excitement, together ‘in my body,’ I rid myself of the dread in a couple minutes, and came back the next day eager to talk. I can now diffuse strong negative emotions of social anxiety and replace them with good ones essentially on-command.  Before, I was avoiding many social situations where the thought of it going bad felt worse than thought of it going good or fine. We didn’t talk about dance in the session, but I got convinced to try fusion partner dancing and even though I self-triggered excitement before, I struggled a bit with the fact that I was clearly hurting the experience of my partners a bit at my first event. I was able to diffuse this with excitement and tried again, and even though my dancing only improved slightly, something clicked and I really enjoyed it. Planning to make dancing a weekly part of my life now. Wouldn’t have tried again if I hadn’t been able to replace my regret with excitement so easily. Before: I had wanted to try dancing for a while, but fear of being bad in front of strangers outweighed. — Shared with permission

Planning to make dancing a weekly part of my life now. [Read more]

Triggers

I used to get triggered by very small things that some of the people surrounding me would say or do… These things would incapacitate me for 48 hours, I would have to shut myself in my room. Now I just laugh.

Two years ago, I would have never dreamt of [disagreeing] with that housemate… Whereas now it's just something that I do effortlessly.

Self-Loathing

A woman in tech after 7 weeks:

I have a history of complex trauma and have spent most of my life terrified and depressed. I'd also read countless self-help books and have seen a few therapists. I met Chris when my life and relationship were both in crisis, and decided to give it a try.
I started my sessions with Chris during the same week I'd started an antidepressant. In the past I'd tried a few antidepressants, but medication alone didn't seem to help with my problems. Chris was incredibly patient with me untangling all of my worries, and was available when I was panicking and really needed to talk to someone. The unlimited variable-length sessions and texting was an incredibly effective form.
Chris helped me realize that I have all these "landmines" in my mind -- life scenarios that I could never allow to happen because if they did then I'd be stuck in a lifetime of misery and life would no longer be worth living. And my mind was constantly vigilant about any sign that my life could be headed into a bad direction, and then I'd react as if the disaster was already happening. Chris suggested that it was possible for me to feel okay with my life even if one of these "landmine" scenario happened.
After a few sessions, a lot of conversations with my partner, time for the antidepressant to set in, and reading, my relationship with these "landmines" went from "things I'm so scared to think about so I flinch" to "it would really suck if that happened, but if I'm really in that scenario I'd probably lean on whatever help I could get to figure out what to do, but I don't need to enter disaster preparation mode now." I also got better at catching myself entering an anxiety loop and giving myself a moment to pause and calm down. I'm generally more compassionate with myself, I am okay with myself feeling fear, hurt, angry, etc. without taking that as an indication that something is seriously wrong in my life and I need to do something about it. I've also become better at talking about relationship problems with my partner without getting angry at my projected disaster scenario.
I used to resent the way my life turned out, and was also afraid of stopping the resentment because I worried that it would make me complacent. Chris has helped me lose some of the resentment, and I didn't become complacent at all -- in fact, I'm doing more self-improvement and productive things now.
I definitely don't live in bliss every day, but I don't feel that my life or my relationship is in crisis anymore. Things feel light and hopeful.

Romantic Insecurity

An SF founder in his 30s after 2 weeks:

After working with Chris, I learned One Weird Trick to go after what I really want and feel okay no matter what happens.
This is a new skill I didn’t learn in 3 years of IFS therapy.
I already feel more confident being myself and expressing romantic interest — and I already have twice, that's new.

Assertiveness

A woman in tech in SF after 3 weeks:

I went to Chris with a torrent of responsibilities and a key decision looming ahead of me this month. I felt overwhelmed, upset, and I didn’t want just talk
Having engaged in 9+ years of coaching and therapy with varying levels of success, I’m probably one of the toughest clients — equal parts hopeful and skeptical. Chris created an incredibly open space where I could easily tell him if I didn’t know something, or couldn’t feel something, or if I’m overthinking. He also has an uncanny sense of intuition on these things and a strong attunement to being actually effective
The results are already telling: a disappointment that might’ve made me emotionally bleed and mope for a month was something I addressed in the matter of a couple of days with only a scoop of emotional self-doubt instead of *swimming* in self-torture. The lag time of actually doing things to be there for myself was significantly quicker, warmer, and more effective
To-dos that felt very heavy lightened up considerably and began to feel fun again and as ways of connecting!
I’ve now started to predict happier things ahead with more vivid, emotionally engaged, and realistic detail. I’ll continue being intensely focused this year for the outcomes I want, but I’m actually looking forward to it! Will reflect back on Month 2!

Confidence

A man after 3 weeks:

I have had a deep change in posture, the resonance of my voice, my ability to stay in connection with others, and freedom of expression. It really has done wonders for my relationships and general confidence.
Pretty much everyone I know has commented on the change.
It really is remarkable how flexible and flimsy the borders of our neuroticism are when approached with the right tools. You can just overwrite a lot of it! It has made me unexpectedly optimistic about politics and so on.
I ripped a muscle in my abdomen and have been in incredible physical pain the past week or so, and yet I have a fluorishing new relationship, I'm still able to be present and engaged. My mood is amazing considering the difficulties.
The simplicity and ease of the technique gave me a deeper understanding of how 'fabricated' our sense of self really is, allowing a lot more insights into emptiness to come through in my practice. I've been successfully playing around with the borders of what feels 'fixed'. [Tweet thread]

Not psychotherapy or medical treatment. Chris Lakin is not a licensed psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, or medical professional. If you have mental health concerns, consult a qualified healthcare professional.

Confidentiality: Information shared in conversations helps understand patterns and improve practice. Identifying details remain confidential. Contact me with questions.

Chris Lakin’s blog