Most of the people I help grow— even if they don’t know it at first— are deeply afraid of being disliked by other people. I can tell because once they untangle this very fear, issues that seemingly have little to do with social interaction get resolved: chronic pain, depression, self-loathing, avoidance of applying for dream jobs, insomnia, and more.
Hey Chris, I am curious what you make of this train of thoughts... One of the experience (maybe even the experience) I enjoyed most in my life is that of "feeling understood." Particularly in the context of romantic relationships (or those with even a whiff of romantic feelings involved), getting to a point where the other person becomes a mirror of my soul, making it possible for me to see that there is no "tendency of rejection" (of what I know myself to be, after examining the reflection) is incredibly "heart opening." And, well, yes this experience seems to be pre-conditioned on the other person *being willing* to take the role as mirror (together with some serious skills on their part, maybe). I wouldn't say that that is exactly the same as "being liked" by the other person, but certainly requires some willingness on their part.
Which then brings me to the question: if this experience is of such great importance (to my nervous system, which attributes incredibly high "meaning value" to it), and at the same time it does require another person's willingness to engage with me in a way that makes this experience possible, it then seems not entirely unreasonable to "fear being disliked"...?
That is of course different from *feeling safe* (no matter what other people think). So, maybe the question is how much do you think people -- particularly those who are among the people with the highest material safety of all humans that have ever lived -- really are struggling with safety, or are they struggling with an ever decreasing willingness of others (including themselves *for* others) to truly *see* others...?
if you're anxious about not getting emotional validation from others (in this case: "feeling understood"), then i suspect you have a fear of being disliked. this is probably just a unique way it manifests for you in particular
Hey Chris, I am curious what you make of this train of thoughts... One of the experience (maybe even the experience) I enjoyed most in my life is that of "feeling understood." Particularly in the context of romantic relationships (or those with even a whiff of romantic feelings involved), getting to a point where the other person becomes a mirror of my soul, making it possible for me to see that there is no "tendency of rejection" (of what I know myself to be, after examining the reflection) is incredibly "heart opening." And, well, yes this experience seems to be pre-conditioned on the other person *being willing* to take the role as mirror (together with some serious skills on their part, maybe). I wouldn't say that that is exactly the same as "being liked" by the other person, but certainly requires some willingness on their part.
Which then brings me to the question: if this experience is of such great importance (to my nervous system, which attributes incredibly high "meaning value" to it), and at the same time it does require another person's willingness to engage with me in a way that makes this experience possible, it then seems not entirely unreasonable to "fear being disliked"...?
That is of course different from *feeling safe* (no matter what other people think). So, maybe the question is how much do you think people -- particularly those who are among the people with the highest material safety of all humans that have ever lived -- really are struggling with safety, or are they struggling with an ever decreasing willingness of others (including themselves *for* others) to truly *see* others...?
if you're anxious about not getting emotional validation from others (in this case: "feeling understood"), then i suspect you have a fear of being disliked. this is probably just a unique way it manifests for you in particular