Growth is fingerprint-shaped
Everyone has a unique set of unconscious predictions that need updating, yet virtually everyone I’ve helped grow has had their deepest confusions in the same few areas.
Every fingerprint is unique
Growth often requires getting unconscious predictions to update. And everyone has a unique set of unconscious predictions that need updating.
For example, Carmen had an unconscious prediction “if I panic, if I just suffer, it keeps anything bad from happening”, and this created a payoff for her nervous system to create intense panic attacks for five years:
She felt that her family lived under a weekly quota of suffering, and she could spare her husband an auto crash or some other family disaster by suffering intensely herself, thus meeting the quota. Having always prided herself on being free of any religious beliefs or superstitions, this discovery rattled her sophisticated self image.
Fortunately, after working with a skilled counselor, it seems she mostly unlearned that prediction because her panic attacks almost entirely stopped.
Carmen’s case may seem extreme, but in my own growth I’ve untangled unconscious beliefs that were so confused I can’t even explain them. And I expect to find many more of these! I’ve also observed the same with my clients.
But this shouldn’t be surprising.
All fingerprints have the same general shape
What has been surprising to me is that virtually everyone I’ve helped grow has had their deepest confusions in the same few areas. Mainly:
Excessive fear of rejection or being disliked by others.
Excessive avoidance of negative emotions.
“The only way I can grow and improve is by trying.”
“If I feel good all the time, then I won’t be productive.”
“To take others’ suffering seriously, I must also suffer.”
I expected there to be much more diversity! But it makes my sessions go quicker.
This also makes me optimistic about creating a scalable tool to facilitate significant and permanent growth for anyone.
Thanks to Stag Lynn, Kaj Sotala, Damon Sasi, Brian Toomey, Epistea Residency, CFAR, Anna Salamon, Alex Zhu, and Nolan Kent for mentorship and financial support.
See what I’m up to now.