Excellent post, Chris. That's one of the core principles which enables effective transformational work. Especially if the therapist / coach has found his own way back to the experiential embodiment of it. Quite a rare thing though.
I had a moment of Clarity when I realised that the story about why I'm happy is really for everyone else. You'll know something has shifted when you stop asking other people why they're happy and simply smile along with them.
When you think about it deeply, you only ever feel the need to justify joy to others - never to yourself. Your internalised representations of other people demand that your joy conform with their expectations. Others hold their own joy hostage in this way, and judge you when you do not. They expect joy to be earned, hard-won, reasonable. They can't allow themselves to feel joy without a good story about why.
Not needing a story to explain your joy helps others to loosen their bondage. After all, their story is designed for *you*. When they see that you don't expect them to justify their happiness to you, they start to realise that the story they torture themselves with has no real audience. They've been performing on stage, but no one is watching. And anyone watching is only doing so because they think that you are watching them on their stage and will boo them if they don't meet your expectations.
Stop performing for others. When you realise you don't need a story to justify your joy to others, you also realise that it only ever was for others - you never needed the story for yourself.
Excellent post, Chris. That's one of the core principles which enables effective transformational work. Especially if the therapist / coach has found his own way back to the experiential embodiment of it. Quite a rare thing though.
I had a moment of Clarity when I realised that the story about why I'm happy is really for everyone else. You'll know something has shifted when you stop asking other people why they're happy and simply smile along with them.
When you think about it deeply, you only ever feel the need to justify joy to others - never to yourself. Your internalised representations of other people demand that your joy conform with their expectations. Others hold their own joy hostage in this way, and judge you when you do not. They expect joy to be earned, hard-won, reasonable. They can't allow themselves to feel joy without a good story about why.
Not needing a story to explain your joy helps others to loosen their bondage. After all, their story is designed for *you*. When they see that you don't expect them to justify their happiness to you, they start to realise that the story they torture themselves with has no real audience. They've been performing on stage, but no one is watching. And anyone watching is only doing so because they think that you are watching them on their stage and will boo them if they don't meet your expectations.
Stop performing for others. When you realise you don't need a story to justify your joy to others, you also realise that it only ever was for others - you never needed the story for yourself.