noticing stomping and other forms of dissociation
As part of my ~meditation journey in the past year, I've started noticing often when I'm ‘stomping’ in various ways.
By ‘stomping’, I roughly mean the making of miscalibrated motions that 1) don't help achieve the goal; and 2) have obnoxious side effects. For example, walking with mistimed amounts of force causes an unnecessarily loud noise.
What I find interesting about noticing when I'm stomping is realizing that I was making this loud, obvious, and miscalibrated motion, but I was completely oblivious to that until just now.
I.e.: How could my previous state of awareness have been so shallow?
More examples that feel related:
when I talk to someone, and I'm saying words, but I'm somehow listening to how the other person is listening to me. (I.e. I only notice that I've done this if later I ask myself "how did their body language react to what I said then?" and I realize that I have no recollection.)
brushing my teeth with far too much force
after I make a movement (e.g. a single repetition of any exercise), sometimes I notice that I lack any recollection of how the movement happened, or what my experience was during the duration of the movement
when I stretch my hamstrings and get frustrated at how tight they are— and then I notice myself moving a little bit in the mental direction of trying to 'retaliate' against them
when I play with my favorite dog without being present (lol, I thought he wouldn't be able to tell)
hm, there may be some kind of analog of this in the times that I ask myself how I'm feeling without being fully invested in knowing the answer
In general, noticing when I'm dissociating from the present and/or my body: A particular coarseness in my physical and mental movements. A lack of awareness of consequences. A deficiency of care and grace. A certain narrowness in my attention… It all becomes hard not to notice.