Flirt like it’s predetermined
My mindset shifted from “Flirting to convince others to like me.” to “Flirting to discover who loves my relaxed self.”
Once this happened “fumbling” and “success” both became meaningless.
When my girlfriend and I were first flirting, I was super into her… and completely lacking in anxiety.
“How would it feel to date her if she doesn’t like me?” Bad! If she wasn’t charmed by my relaxed self, I didn’t want her.
No “please like me.” Just: “Are we in the timeline where this works? Let’s find out asap!”
I've thought for a little while that the idea of using your real, authentic self as a filter instead of trying in vain to get everyone to like you works in all kinds of scenarios, not just dating – whether it's looking for a job, making friends, or building an audience... basically anything that involves matching with other people.
What else is predetermined, I wonder. Is there a free will? Perhaps nothing we do stems from our authentic agency, but is merely the necessary outcome of billions of years of atoms colliding with each other? Perhaps the coffee I drink, the job I perform and the people I love were never truly in my control? Perhaps we are born against our will, live for a set amount of time and no more, while pretending to possess an authentic self beneath the mask? And burdened with fear, want and sorrow, as it were, we finally dance into the arms of death, vanishing into the same deterministic soup whence we came. Anyway this is good flirting advice.