Eye contact is effortless without emotional blocks

Sep 27, 2024

So I wanted to run a fun party, “Make 100% eye contact or get sent to jail.” But I didn’t want eye contact to be forced, I wanted it to be genuinely comfortable. How?

Eye contact is effortless without emotional blocks. So if you have trouble making eye contact, you may have blocks to integrate.

But: these blocks are probably there for a reason, so they must be integrated carefully. (Corollary: forcing eye contact can harm you.)

How could I help every attendee notice and integrate their blocks?

Started with a small experiment

For most people, the first activity I improvised was enough:

The transition moment for me was when you prompted us to think about an occasion where eye contact felt easy. I thought about a cat that I once lived with, I would be proactively looking him in the eye and saying how much I love him hahaha. That felt very natural and easy. Then, with that feeling I was able to start appreciating the people that I was having eye contact with without the awkwardness. Also, more curiosity aroused as well!! (Since for me it’s easy to look at something for a long time when I’m really curious about it.) —Attendee

For others, a few additional activities or a quick 1-on-1 were necessary. But by the end, everyone had no trouble making infinite eye contact.

We stress-tested ourselves with one-on-one conversational eye contact, silent eye contact, group conversational eye contact, and everything else we could think of… and went undefeated.

the vibes of this event reminded me of a molly party I was at last week

Since your event [two weeks ago], I'm far more aware of both the eye contact I give and the eye contact I receive. I'm especially aware of how good I feel when I receive it and so I've been trying to give it out more, anticipating that others feel the same.

Everyone clapped.

The 100% eye contact party

The party needed an eye contact enforcement mechanism. (Without one, attendees would forget about the eye contact and it would devolve into — god forbid— a normal SF party.)

So I designed a dictatorless dystopia:

Three strikes and you must go to jail. One strike each time you're caught not making eye contact during conversation. Please give strikes to autist offenders. Please send three-strikers to jail.
To attain parole, you must make silent, present eye contact with another jailee for two minutes straight. […]

Now all I had to do was craft a catchy thumbnail:

and title:

and invite my list.

I began the larger (~40 person) event by facilitating activities like those from before. It was definitely harder with more than twice as many pairs of eyes, but for the most part, it worked. For the people who needed extra help, I offered 1-on-1.

What it looked like

Group eye contact was so goofy!

The design made it easier to access a range from flirty and fun to deep and serious. The event was higher intensity by default.

It was super super intense. I remember desperately wanting it to be over, but it was still a lot of fun. My first 1-on-1 conversation was very fun and lasted over an hour.