Usually people avoid eye contact, so why not run a party where we avoid not making eye contact?
That said, I didn’t want eye contact to feel forced, I wanted it to feel genuinely comfortable. How?
First, an experimental workshop
For most attendees, the first meditation was enough. Here’s what one said:
The transition moment for me was [the first meditation]. I thought about a cat that I once lived with, I would be proactively looking him in the eye and saying how much I love him hahaha. That felt very natural and easy. Then, with that feeling I was able to start appreciating the people that I was having eye contact with without the awkwardness. Also, more curiosity aroused as well!! (Since for me it’s easy to look at something for a long time when I’m really curious about it.)
For others, a few additional activities or a quick 1-on-1 were necessary. But by the end, no one had trouble making infinite eye contact.
We stress-tested ourselves with one-on-one conversational eye contact, silent eye contact, group conversational eye contact, and everything else we could think of. We went undefeated. Constant eye contact was completely comfortable now.
the vibes of this event reminded me of a molly party I was at last week
Since your event [two weeks ago], I'm far more aware of both the eye contact I give and the eye contact I receive. I'm especially aware of how good I feel when I receive it and so I've been trying to give it out more, anticipating that others feel the same.
The 100% eye contact party
For the party to work, it needed an enforcement mechanism. Without one, attendees would forget about the eye contact and it would devolve into — god forbid— a normal SF party.
So I designed a dictatorless dystopia:
Three strikes and you must go to jail. One strike each time you're caught not making eye contact during conversation. Please give strikes to autist offenders. Please send three-strikers to jail.
To attain parole, you must make silent, present eye contact with another jailee for two minutes straight. […]
With a catchy image:
and a catchy title:
Finally, I sent it to my events list.
We set up the jail…
And 40 people showed.
Began with similar activities as the earlier workshop. It was more difficult to do with >2x as many eyes… and some people needed extra help so I helped with them 1-on-1… but on the whole it worked!!
Videos
Group eye contact was so goofy!—
Reviews
The design made it easier to access a range from flirty and fun to deep and serious. The event was higher intensity by default.
It was super super intense. I remember desperately wanting it to be over, but it was still a lot of fun. My first 1-on-1 conversation was very fun and lasted over an hour.
The jail was a hilarious idea and added excellent vibes.
Eye contact was kinda hard and I went to jail a lot… but I had a lot of good conversations, and the party felt very intimate.
I liked experimenting with eye contact from different heights. I made eye contact while looking down for almost the first time and felt stronger.
I felt very connected to everyone afterwards and felt very open, present and happy.
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Thanks to Leo, Shaul, Lika, Eliza, Jinny, and The SF Commons for making these events wonderful.
