And then you, uh, ‘went back to normal’.

Breakthroughs aren’t results. Results are results:

Asking people out for the first time, and getting into a relationship. Going from eating alone to hosting parties for friends every week. Negotiating for the first time, and saving millions. Life is obviously better months—years—later.

If life goes back to ‘normal’, it isn’t a result.

I learned to massage myself, then learned it was easy to use the same skill to massage others, and even dogs and cats.

In the last year I’ve taught 75 people how to massage, too:

It’s easy

• Find your muscles.

• Squeeze them, and try more pressure than you think. I’m not going to specify precisely how to do this: Be curious, explore, and experiment.

• Follow your intuition. Do more of what feels nice.

• (Make sure that muscles are relaxed before squeezing)

Complexities:

• Make sure that any muscle you massage is relaxed before you massage it. This is actually hard to do.

  • If massaging any area hurts, it’s nearly always because the muscle is tensed in some way. Usually this can be resolved by repositioning the body part in a way that it isn’t supporting itself. (E.g.: Don’t massage arms/legs while they are supporting themself in midair)

• Squeezing fat doesn’t feel nice.

  • If you have a fat on your arm for example, you have to reach through the fat to the muscle to squeeze it.

  • A reader gives this advice: “Don't massage boobs like you massage legs”

• Eventually you learn how much force to apply to a muscle in accordance to how large the muscle is.

• Massage ability might be very dependent on grip strength. I’ve been told that I have hands of iron, so maybe I’m not skilled so much as just strong.

• Massaging non-muscle body-parts sometimes also feels nice. Lightly rubbing the very thin amount of soft matter on top of bones can be quite nice.

• There’s a lot of tacit knowledge I can’t write down. Feel free to ask me to massage your arm hand etc. sometime for the full download.

Massaging others:

• If you want to massage other people, my main advice is that you learn to massage yourself or at least that body part of yourself first. Then you understand how it works and can apply that to others. It’s like 70% the same.

• When massaging other people, my rule of thumb is to increase the pressure until they say “ow”. Then decrease the pressure by 5%. Do this every time you go to a new area.

  • If they aren’t saying “ow” you aren’t being ambitious enough.

• When first starting to massage a body part and they’re not used to you, start off with less pressure. Foreplay

  • Same thing also if they’re ticklish. Just rest your hands there with as much pressure as you can do without tickling them for a minute or so.

• Get your massagee to give as much real-time feedback as possible. Hums and sighs are better than words. I find that it often helps to directly watch their face.

  • But mostly you should be going by your own intuition of what would feel nice on you rather than what they find nice. The feedback loops of learning massage are way better from you massaging yourself than you massaging others.

• You can use this knowledge to massage cats and dogs, too. Cats and dogs often relish being massaged, often more than scratches. They just have smaller muscles that need less pressure, that’s all.

  • If they don’t like it they will get up and leave.

Getting acquainted with your body:

• For me, massage has been a great way for me to get to know my body.

• It also naturally leads into intuitive stretching.

• I imagine that the ideal use of massage is as a way to learn when your own body is tense. I imagine that, ideally, you never or almost never need to massage yourself because you’ve figured out how to relax yourself so much. But by massaging yourself you start to pay attention to where you are tense.

Warnings

• Massage can do harm

• Be careful if you’re pregnant or injured, obviously

• Safe massage requires the prerequisite of body and somatic awareness. If you’re not able to feel your body and any pain in high resolution, you will hurt yourself

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